I remember back when I first entered therapy. I adamantly told my therapist and my group leader, “Do not ask me to confront my abusers because I can’t and I won’t.” Hearing a fellow survivor say she was going to confront her abuser that week filled me with indescribable terror. “I could never do it,” […]
Continue ReadingPeople used to say I had an inferiority complex. I said, “No, I am inferior.” And I meant it. Everyone else seemed more important, more worthy, more lovable, more needy than I. To me, this wasn’t a feeling, it was a fact. I remember times when I felt a need to talk to someone like […]
Continue ReadingIf one word could describe the recovery process, for me it would be GRIEF–grief over the many losses we all suffer as Survivors. For me, even the thought of grieving my losses has been frightening. I have been afraid of getting in touch with the pain I knew was deep inside. I believed that if […]
Continue ReadingMy bags were all packed and I was ready. I was running away from home. It felt kind of good to be packing and scheming on the best, most dramatic way to make my departure. I was initially going to leave before he got home… make him suffer and worry about where I was and […]
Continue ReadingThe other day, a friend of mine told me she had been in bed for the week with pneumonia. My initial thought was, “You stayed in bed with pneumonia?” My mind flashed back to several years ago when I had pneumonia for a couple of months. I was very frustrated with the doctor because he […]
Continue ReadingI was asked not long ago if we Survivors ever come to the place in our recovery where we can put the abuse behind us and get on with our lives. I have been asked this question in many forms from my abusers, from friends, and from other family members. The questions left me quite […]
Continue ReadingMy husband and I were sitting in the counselor’s office one day discussing the lack of intimacy in our relationship. That’s part of why we were there. My husband, Tim, didn’t know how to really share his feelings with me, and that scared me at times because I was afraid there might be some hidden […]
Continue ReadingThis was written for “Survivors & Friends” newsletter, in the 1992 Fall issue. I approach this subject with much trepidation because in my experience, the issue of forgiveness can cause fear, turmoil, anger, and even further victimization by well-meaning, but ill-informed people who would advise us to forgive and forget. My goal is not to […]
Continue Reading
