March 27, 2000 (Berkeley, Calif.) — Most sexual assaults simply don’t fit any stereotype. Among the most common misconceptions are these: * Most women are raped by strangers. Justice Department statistics indicate that fewer than 25% of rape victims are assaulted by a person they do not know. Other studies indicate an even lower percentage. […]
Continue ReadingThere’s no denying it…life is filled with pain. Some of us have had so much pain that we are overwhelmed by it. The thought of trying to work through the pain, to face the realities of what has happened, may make us feel like shutting down and giving up. However, there is hope. There is […]
Continue ReadingThere are a number of questions that are repeatedly asked by survivors and families of survivors and I would like to take some time to address some of those here. I will occasionally add more as they come to mind, or as you ask them. Why must I go back and rehash the past? My […]
Continue ReadingThere’s an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with “How are you?” and “I’m fine” and And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else–except the elephant […]
Continue ReadingI became a sex therapist in the mid-1970s because I was impressed with how well standard sex therapy techniques were able to help people overcome embarrassing problems such as difficulty having an orgasm, painful intercourse, premature ejaculation, and impotence. The use of sex education, self-awareness exercises, and a series of behavioral techniques could cure many […]
Continue ReadingDo You Have an Anger Problem? The following are questions designed to help identify potential problems you may have with anger and/or control. This is not a researched scale, but it can point to serious signs of danger in intimate relationships. Do friends and family feel free to share their thoughts and feelings with you? […]
Continue ReadingIntimacy is a basic human need. Our physical and psychological well-being depends on intimacy which is defined as: closeness, bonding, caring for and being cared for, and sharing deep feelings and experiences with others. However, many people are afraid of intimacy because intimacy requires risk and vulnerability. The closer someone is to us, the more […]
Continue ReadingI cannot manage my pain alone. I must seek help I acknowledge that something terrible happened. I know it is not my imagination; I was a victim of child sexual assault. I begin to recognize my feelings. There may be sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and shame. I allow myself to experience them all. I discuss […]
Continue ReadingMemories of our abuse are often hidden from our awareness for many years. The triggers to unlocking the depths of repression can be anything — a song, a dream, or a child’s conversation. Once the memories start to surface, you begin a new journey in your life and nothing will ever be the same. That […]
Continue ReadingThe following provides some basic principles for beginning the process of sexual healing from the aftermath of sexual abuse. Work toward establishment of the essential conditions for ensuring an atmosphere in which sexual recovery can occur (these are essential for any healthy, sexual relationship): Mutual consent Equality of personal power in relationship Mutual respect Mutual […]
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