There’s no denying it…life is filled with pain. Some of us have had so much pain that we are overwhelmed by it. The thought of trying to work through the pain, to face the realities of what has happened, may make us feel like shutting down and giving up. However, there is hope. There is […]
Continue ReadingThere are a number of questions that are repeatedly asked by survivors and families of survivors and I would like to take some time to address some of those here. I will occasionally add more as they come to mind, or as you ask them. Why must I go back and rehash the past? My […]
Continue ReadingI cannot manage my pain alone. I must seek help I acknowledge that something terrible happened. I know it is not my imagination; I was a victim of child sexual assault. I begin to recognize my feelings. There may be sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and shame. I allow myself to experience them all. I discuss […]
Continue ReadingAdapted from a presentation at the 5th International Conference on Incest and Related Problems, Biel, Switzerland, August 14, 1991. Myth #1 – Boys and men can’t be victims. This myth, instilled through masculine gender socialization and sometimes referred to as the “macho image,” declares that males, even young boys, are not supposed to be victims […]
Continue ReadingDenial of Vulnerability Difficulty recognizing that what happened was sexual abuse. High need for control in interactions with others. May appear stubborn and rigid for control in interactions with others and frequently engage in power struggles, or seem passive, codependent and conforming. Both are protection from feelings of vulnerability. Confusion Regarding Sexual Orientation Orientation is […]
Continue ReadingThere’s an elephant in the room. It is large and squatting, so it is hard to get around it. Yet we squeeze by with “How are you?” and “I’m fine” and And a thousand other forms of trivial chatter. We talk about the weather. We talk about work. We talk about everything else–except the elephant […]
Continue ReadingI became a sex therapist in the mid-1970s because I was impressed with how well standard sex therapy techniques were able to help people overcome embarrassing problems such as difficulty having an orgasm, painful intercourse, premature ejaculation, and impotence. The use of sex education, self-awareness exercises, and a series of behavioral techniques could cure many […]
Continue ReadingDo You Have an Anger Problem? The following are questions designed to help identify potential problems you may have with anger and/or control. This is not a researched scale, but it can point to serious signs of danger in intimate relationships. Do friends and family feel free to share their thoughts and feelings with you? […]
Continue ReadingThe following provides some basic principles for beginning the process of sexual healing from the aftermath of sexual abuse. Work toward establishment of the essential conditions for ensuring an atmosphere in which sexual recovery can occur (these are essential for any healthy, sexual relationship): Mutual consent Equality of personal power in relationship Mutual respect Mutual […]
Continue Reading“Oh no! I must have done something wrong and now I’m really in trouble. I wonder if I said something wrong in our staff meeting today? Did I send all those letters he told me were important? I thought I got them all typed and mailed. What could it be? Why does he want me […]
Continue Reading
